Oscars: The Winners are!

Best Animated Film of the Year
- Persepolis
- Ratatouille
- Surf's Up
WINNER: "Ratatouille". I haven't seen those other movies but apparently they sucked. They didn't even win the Academy Award. How embarrassing.

Best Original Song
- "Falling Slowly" from Once
- "Happy Working Song" from Enchanted
- "So Close" from Enchanted
- "That's How You Know" from Enchanted
- "Raise It Up" from August Rush
WINNER: "Falling Slowly" from "Once". To say they won be default is an understatement. Those Enchanted songs were awful. Was there not a scene in a movie this year where someone died and laid on their car horn for two minutes, because that would have won easily.

Best Adapted Screenplay
- Christopher Hampton, Atonement
- Sarah Polley, Away From Her
- Ronald Harwood, The Diving Bell and The Butterfly
- Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, No Country For Old Men
- Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood
WINNER: Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, "No Country For Old Men". I just noticed that Sarah Polley was nominated here. The actress. From Dawn of the Dead. Adapting screenplays must be incredibly easy, because actors are fucking idiots.

Best Original Screenplay
- Diablo Cody, Juno
- Nancy Oliver, Lars and the Real Girl
- Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
- Brad Bird, Ratatouille
- Tamara Jenkins, The Savages
WINNER: Diablo Cody, "Juno". Think back for a second to the last 10 movies you’ve seen. Does it really seem like anyone in Hollywood has any idea how to choose a good screenplay.

Best Supporting Actor
- Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
- Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
- Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
- Hal Holbrook, Into the Wild
- Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton
WINNER: Javier Bardem, "No Country for Old Men". I liked his hair. It looked like dog ears. Like Snoopy. And who doesn’t love Snoopy? If I had him in a movie I would give him another dumb haircut just to watch him go all apeshit.

Best Supporting Actress
- Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There
- Ruby Dee, American Gangster
- Saoirse Ronan, Atonement
- Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
- Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton
WINNER: Tilda Swinton, "Michael Clayton". I'm amazed they didn’t give it to Blanchett. They love her even though she sucks. She’s so gimmicky. Isla Fisher should have won. I don’t know for what but she’s awesome.

Best Actor
- George Clooney, Michael Clayton
- Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
- Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
- Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
- Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises
WINNER: Daniel Day-Lewis, "There Will Be Blood". It's alarming to see DDL out of charaetcer. He's so god damn good. So many people just do the same thing again and again and again. (i'm looking at you Morgan Freeman)

Best Actress
- Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
- Julie Christie, Away from Her
- Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
- Laura Linney, The Savages
- Ellen Page, Juno
WINNER Marion Cotillard, "La Vie en Rose". Oh, I bet we see a lot of her from now on. These awards are like a rocketship to stardom!

Best Director
- Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
- Jason Reitman, Juno
- Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
- Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
- Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood
WINNER Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men". Little known fact: directors don’t even really do anything.

Best Motion Picture of the Year
- Atonement
- Juno
- Michael Clayton
- No Country for Old Men
- There Will Be Blood
WINNER "No Country for Old Men". Just the fact that Atonement was nominated is a disgrace. It's seventy or eighty times worse than watching no movie at all.